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| The walls are made of ground doubloons and the elevators smell like privilege. |
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| The walls are made of cheesecake and the elevators smell like cottage cheese thighs. |
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| "Oh guuurl, pumpkin scones are half price. Let's skip that Mad Men class, I can't even with that Pete guy anyway." |
It's also the kind of place that has a class that requires you to 'network' by going to a bar and meeting other people who've survived the battlefield your program.
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| "Didn't finish your screenplay about fairies? Go, go, go! I'll tell the professor that I saw you get hit by a car." |
Well, you may not be able to guess this about me, but I'm a horrifically awkward human being who prefers the company of cats and cake to humans, because when I have to talk to humans I forget how to keep my voice at an appropriate volume and am constantly worried that I'm going to suddenly smell like pickles.
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| Even when I didn't eat pickles. (I picked this gif because I assume Pete Wentz always smells like pickles.) |
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| Never stopped smelling though. I've got that perpetual natural, musky fear scent. |
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| --penis eating starfish clouds. |
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Yes, I'm dating myself.
DATING MYSELF: A LOVE STORY
Yes, I'm okay with it.
No, I'm not afraid to be alone.
Let me explain.
Whenever I tell someone I'm dating myself I get this look that screams, "Oh, I get it. You've given up, Bitter Betty."
I hate that.
No, I haven't given up.
Yes, even after a rough break up, and 30 terrible online dates (read the blog: wallaineisnotdating.tumblr.
I guess I love to believe in impossible things like becoming a writer, and falling in love and staying in love. Or maybe it's because a part of me, the part that isn't dead yet, thinks there has to be someone out there for me. Well, I hope he's out there. I hope the reason he's not here is because I just haven't met him yet. It's either that or he's taking his sweet time becoming a butterfly because, you know, he's not ready for me, so he's in a metaphorical cocoon still.
So I'm dating myself, which pretty much means I'm spending a lot of time being alone, eating alone, watching movies alone, getting coffee alone ... you get the gist. When I first broke up with the Ex-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, I'd panic when I was alone. I'd feel this sense of utter loneliness, a black hole, and I'd want to distract myself and fill it with something, anything. That feeling of utter panic is really scary. You had something once, and now, it's gone. There's nothing you can do about it, either. You're alone. You know when that changed for me? When I actually sat with it, and felt it. I realized I'm not going to die from loneliness, and that being alone is something I shouldn't fear. After accepting that, and initially being uncomfortable with being alone, well, it got better. I don't even think about it now.
And yes, it wasn't easy. It sucked. A lot. There have been times in my life where I haven't sat with that feeling, where I've refused to feel it and filled it with anything that could distract me: food, alcohol, men. You know, the trifecta. I'm happy this time I chose to feel. I chose to be angry. I chose to cry. I'm happy I did that because I came out of it okay.
Being on this journey of dating myself, and just doing me, for lack of a better term, has been really great. So I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm not afraid to be alone because I'm busy being fucking awesome. I'm not afraid to be alone because I'm busy creating stuff.
Recently, I turned my dating blog into a web series called Wallaine Is Dating. Watch the latest episode here: https://www.youtube.com/
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Wallaine Sarao graduated from SDSU with a BA in English and USC with a MFA in Writing. In 2009, she won the Grand Prize in the Minority Category for an all Asian feature she wrote titled, "Past Due." In 2010, she optioned a hour-long pilot with Fox through Fox Writers Initiative. In 2014, she produced and directed part of a 1/2-hour comedy she wrote called, "Post." She is currently working on a web series based on her dating blog called Wallaine Is Dating. She loves wine, her cat, and warm socks.
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